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funny

Why is that?


Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it’s called cargo?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



Again not my original, but hope you enjoyed!


Categories
funny NotOriginal

Not My Work – but very funny

Expressions For High Stress Days

1. You! Off my planet!!

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

5. And your crybaby whiny-hiney opinion would be…?

6. I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

7. Allow me to introduce my selves.

8. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

9. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

10. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

11. I’m just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

12. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

13. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

14. I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one.

15. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

16. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

17. You say I’m a witch like it’s a bad thing.

18. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2?

19. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

20. Chaos, panic & disorder — my work here is done.

21. Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.

22. Earth is full. Go home.

23. Is it time for your medication or mine?

24. Awe, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

25. How do I set the laser printer to stun?

26. I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

27. When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

Received from Tina Timmerman.

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funny funny pictures

Single best


Not my original

Categories
funny

Funny

Actual Complaints Received By “Thomas Cook Vacations” From Dissatisfied Customers

1. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

2. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to siesta in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ʽsiesta timeʼ. This should be banned.”

8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

14. “The brochure stated: ʽNo hairdressers at the resort.ʼ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

19. “My fiance and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you all responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

(Not my original – quoted from Net Search)


Categories
funny funny pictures

Give me coffee



Credit: Unknown found online.